i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
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