it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
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