FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
mondays should just be called national damage control day
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
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