not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
