forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
I accidentally burped into my bong.
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
Randomize
