she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
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