Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize
