she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
Randomize
