Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
We're too hungover to prance.
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
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