she was so not down for the gang bang
Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
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