Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
