There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
Randomize
