it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
You had me at "let me see your balls"
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
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