What would a frattoo be? Maybe like the Chinese symbol for Keystone Light.
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
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Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
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When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
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