Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
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