well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
Randomize
