btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
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