He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
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