the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Randomize
