I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
