Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
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