my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
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