Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
Randomize
