she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
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