They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
Randomize
