I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
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