so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
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