I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Randomize
