Do you still have your period?
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Randomize
