you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
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