Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
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