i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
Randomize
