She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Randomize
