Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
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