I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
Randomize
