You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
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