I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
Randomize
