i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
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