I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
Randomize
