Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
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