Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
Randomize
