distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
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