The best revenge is premature balding
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
Randomize
