oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
Randomize
