So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
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