Yeah, it wasn't as bad as I thought. I tried not to clench and things went pretty smoothly.
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
Randomize
