Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
She has the best kind of daddy issues
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
