using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
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