he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
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