Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
