i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
Randomize
