I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
Randomize
