Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Randomize
