Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
I'm like, not good at living.
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
Randomize
