LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
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