i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
Randomize
