Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Randomize
