time to smoke my breakfast
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
Randomize
