I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
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