a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
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