I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
Randomize
