It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
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