i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
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