is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
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