I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
Randomize
