You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
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