so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize
