i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
Pants are for mortals
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
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