You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
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