just watched an entire episode so you think you can dance for head. so wasn't worth it
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
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