Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
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