you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
