I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
And the cops told us we were all naked.
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
Randomize
