I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
Randomize
