I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
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